The Ryan Thomas Collection

Today marks Madonna’s 50th birthday. Like a stereotypical gay male, I am a self proclaimed Madonna fanatic. Therefore, today is a celebratory day for me. Idolizing the pop star for longer than I can remember, the artist has impacted the lives of many whether it be through a great time on the dancefloor or through self realization and acceptance.

I had made the switch from cassette to the Compact Disc when I was ten years old and it just so happened to be a Madonna CD. The year was 1993 and Madonna released “Rain” from her Erotica album. I had seen the video and fell in love. Due to the risque content of the Erotica album, my mother wouldn’t allow me to purchase it, so I went to the Immaculate Collection. This was the beginning of something great! It was at this time that I had started exploring my own sexuality. Puberty had set in and as a result my body started changing and my sexual identity began taking form.

Madonna is unarguably the sexual liberator of the late 20th century. In the 80s, she brought about imagery of a woman who was a serious businessperson, and also a feminine, sexual being. Intermixing these two images, in essence, allowed others in this generation to own their sexuality and also break free from the restrictions placed by it. Intelligence and determination could go hand in hand with blatant feminine sexuality, and with that modern feminity continued to remold into something new. With Madonna’s Erotica album, she further explored and then presented to the public the darker side of sexual fantasy. Following this album, she released “Human Nature” from the Bedtime Stories album, professing an unapologetic attitude for her prior release.

This sexual exploration and presentation lined up with my personal sexual exploration, as I tried to make sense of my deviating sexual ideas and feelings towards the same sex. I had never been a “normal” boy and I had never fulfilled all the gender roles placed onto my sex by society, as I played with Barbies and refused to throw a football. As my sexual feelings aligned with my gender practice, looking to Madonna seems rather normal. A famous, successful and highly talented woman broke gender roles, while playing into them. She explored less than popular ideas about sex and did so unapologetically. She also presented images of gay men in various videos and concert performances. Many of these images were the first images of homosexuality that I experienced. Seeing this combination of imagery became highly influential in my process of self acceptance. As I began to realize I may not be normal, I was shown that I certainly was not the only one exploring and coming to terms with sexual ideas that deviated from mainstream society.

Learning that Madonna had gone to New York City with a mere $35 in her early twenties and then built herself into a world icon provided a sense of empowerment for me. She was a living example of national ideology surrounding the American Dream. I had always known and felt that America was the place where hard work and personal drive would allow anyone to achieve success, despite any hardships that life presented. Madonna was the embodiment of this. As a naive 14 year old, I thought to myself, if she could do that, then no matter what the future held, I would be able to handle it and work hard through it. This is essentially what pushed me to leave the closet and begin the coming out process.

As the internal debate and struggle raged in my mind about coming out as gay, my body filled with fear and anxiety. What would happen? What would my parents say? Where would I go and where may I be forced to go? I created various scenarios and results that may have occurred by coming out to my parents. Scenarios varied from status quo to images I had seen of young teenagers being thrown from their home. I had to be prepared for either end of the spectrum and thus, I schemed and planned.

What would I do as a 14 year old freshman in high school, thrown out of my home and onto the streets? It was a possiblity and one that had to be planned for. Fear encapsulated my body by the thought, but I could not be a liar and knew the inevitability of my coming out. I had to kick that closet door open. I would need some cash and determination. I had money entitled to me through some Federal Savings Bonds I had received from birthdays and Christmas. I told myself that was all I would need. I knew that money would pay for rent somewhere and I would have to find a job, day and night, work my butt off, get a GED, and I would rise above. If Madonna could do it, I knew I could. Again, the naivity of a 14 year old.  

Fortunately, my coming out to my parents did not result in being kicked to the streets, forced to fight my way to the top. However, I was fully prepared for such and Madonna’s story helped give me the confidence I needed in myself to make the decision to begin coming out. She gave me faith in myself. She made me feel that “normal” was boring and unimportant. I didn’t need to be normal to be successful, I only needed to own my abnormal feelings and be unapologetic for them. People idolize various pop celebrities for differing reasons, but my affection for Madonna goes deeper than the sheer enjoyment and fun her musical material provides.

As a young gay male, her ideas about sexuality and gender sincerely helped me come to terms with my own. I knew I was different, and she helped me feel that it was okay. Her American Dream story was a modern tale that made me believe that anything was possible. On her 50th birthday, and my ten year anniversary of coming out of the closet, I respectively wish H.R.M., Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone Ritchie, a happy birthday and the utmost gratitude for inspiring me as young homo to believe in and accept myself.

When or how has Madonna or another pop artist influenced your life? Leave a comment and confess!

To see some great pictures and descriptions of Madonna’s 25 years in the biz, check out http://www.theStreetsofSanFrancisco.blogspot.com.

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